Happiness

I got to talk to him tonight FINALLY! And its amazing how five minutes with the love of your life and best friend can change everything around.

In five minutes he told me how proud he was of me to get offered numerous Apprenticeships at all the restaurants I applied to, and that he knew which ever one I pick I would do amazing at, and how he was so proud that I was finally getting to start my dreams after putting it on hold for his deployment. How much he can't wait to be there for me through the next three years of working on my Chef's. He even offered to do the laundry on the weekends!!

We talked about how we are so excited to start our new chapter in life once he returns. This year seems to be holding tons of wonderful and exciting things for us. And I can't wait till he comes home and we can get married again, I can get back to my career, we can finally spend holidays together, LIVE together for more than a few weeks at a time. And get on with actually being a married couple.

I couldn't ask for anything more, he is truly the love of my life and best-friend and even though we are miles and miles apart we can still make each other smile and are both extremely happy everything we have worked so hard for is finally having some benefit.

I am SO HAPPY. This is so close to ending and I can't wait for everything our future holds. <3

P.S. guess this is the light at the end of the tunnel becoming brighter. Only a few more weeks.

Rumors

Ugh please don't be true. Rumors of another MONTH extension are being heard among the wives, hope the DSG or M calls soon I need to know this isn't true!!

Okay IM BACK

Sorry that I haven't blogged in awhile I was on leave with the husband and just went back to school so I have been crazy busy. Anyways here is a deployment update!

We had an AMAZING leave, he was exactly the same and was romantic and sweet. We had an awesome vacation we stayed at home for part of the time just hanging out and having fun. Went to the museum, waterpark, had game night with friends, just relaxed! Lots of talking and catching up. Wii tournaments. Just tons of fun stuff. Then we went to the Rocky Mountains and stayed in a gorgeous hotel, we went in the jacuzzi every night...walked in the snow and looked at the stars. Romantic dinners at amazing restaurants. Went on a Ice Hike which was very cool. Basically it was like a pre-honeymoon absolutely perfect.

Then came time for him to go back. I cried, he cried. It was a very emotional and long trying day. But there we were at the security gates hugging, crying, kissing. Then letting go. My heart was ripped out again. But I bravely walked out of the airport that knowing the next time I saw those blue eyes he would be home for good. We only had a 2.5 month countdown when he left so much easier than the first part which was 4 months.

So now I am back into school and at home, and oddly enough I am doing good at home. No breakdowns or crying in fact its very peaceful. Im keeping busy with my friends, courses and school and have practically got my whole calendar booked up until he comes home! He called last night to tell me he wouldn't be able to call during March which made me cry for the first time since he went back, but its okay I'm tough and will make it.

Our countdown to homecoming is at about 2 months and I am really excited this is almost over. Ill be updating frequently again so you all stay posted!

Boxing Day Blues

So here I am at 10pm on Boxing day staring at my computer why do I feel so down?

Cause my hubby never got to talk to me on Christmas. He changed his status and then sent me a msg saying "Internet failing i'll try later'....he TRIED calling but couldn't hear me at 9 am on Christmas Day.

All I want is to talk to him. He gave everyone else the phones first on Christmas, and by the time he got to them, they wouldn't work. Some of the wives I know have gotten 4 phone calls on Christmas, and one or more today. Like SERIOUSLY karma cut me a break all I want is to hear him say "I love you'. Don't get me wrong if your spouse is deployed now and you got a call I'm ECSTATIC for you; I'm happy you got to talk to your loved one.

All I want is a simple call, or even a few minute chat on the computer.

And to add to my bad mood I'm in I got more Mother-in-law issues on my mind. She is now posting messages on my hubby's facebook wall stating she "Can't wait to see you on your HLTA".....which I sent an email to the hubby telling him she won't listen to me and he will have to tell her AGAIN that she WONT be seeing him on HLTA.

Sorry for the rant just my family is still in HOLLY-JOLLY mood and I can't talk to them.

Best Christmas Gift EVER!

So I was moping around the house tonight feeling down cause of Christmas....and the phone rings!!!!!! Its the hubby and that was special enough for christmas week!!!

So we get to talking and he said he can't wait to open his gifts in a few days, and that he really misses being at home...and he said he is glad I bought myself my pot set (I got it a few days ago on sale for 70 percent off which made them only 300 dollars, and they are my dream pots I've wanted for years Royal Doulton Stainless Steel) for Christmas. Then our conversation went like this....

"So I've been thinking of enrolling in night university classes when I get home" -Hubby
"Oh ya to finish your med school?" -me
"Not really...' - Hubby
"Oh something else then?"
"Ya something like Hospitality management' - hubby
"What? thats the course im taking in like 10 years?!!!" - me utterly confused
"Well you see I was thinking while you work on your red and gold seal Ill get the hospitality management degree and then we can open up your restaurant sooner, in like the next five years." - hubby

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!! I started crying I am sooooooooo happppyyyy he is giving me the best gift EVER he is helping even more than ever me reach my dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He wants to open the restaurant in 5 years or less!!!!!!!!!! BEST EVER I AM STOKED....<3
Best christmas gift of my life.

Same old waiting game

Just sitting here late at night as usual wondering about the future. I am really tired of this waiting game that has become our relationship....training = waiting, courses = waiting, deployment = alot of waiting and worrying.

Im tired of it, I can't wait for these next 4 months to fly by, It has been going pretty fast even I'll admit that, but I can't wait for a normal-ish relationship where he comes home everynight, I wont have to sit and worry if one of our buddies hero pictures will be on the front page of the newspaper when I awake, or worse a dreaded phonecall or doorbell ring at my own house. I just don't want to live this lifestyle anymore our whole relationship has been this.

It SUCKS and its not enjoyable, many of you are lifers with your man and for that I think your amazing and strong women I'd never want to do this forever. But you are all strong and will make it through, I know this as I rely on you on my bad days.

I guess what im saying is I WANT HIM HOME. Almost 12 weeks down, almost half done.

He called FINALLY

Hey just thought I would let you all know that he finally called, a month with no phone calls has come to an end.

I am EXTREMELY emotional right now so I can't write much but basically:

Its killing me inside how homesick he is.
He got all my mail finally
He really wants HLTA to start
He hasn't changed one bit, thankfully

I am feeling every kind of feeling there is right now, but mostly I just crazy miss him and want this to end.

Can't stop crying!!!!

I just wanted to let you ladies know, I finally got an email from the hubby....I am completely overwhelmed with emotions in a GOOD way. He knows just what to say to make me get that boost of strength i needed to carry on.

Thanks for all the support lately. =*) 66 days down!

FML...

Argh!!!!!! So after no contact from the hubby for two weeks I finally got an email two days ago saying he was going to try to call tomorrow *which was yesterday* after no call, and NO call this morning either....BEEP-BEEP my phone goes at lunch telling me I got a facebook message from Matt.

Bad News: phone circuits down won't be able to call for at least another two weeks.

FML I wanted sooooo badly to hear his voice now I have to go a whole month without hearing from him, or longer.

I can't wait for this deployment to be over with....a relationship is hard to keep up when you don't get to talk to the person you love and married. Whats worse is I am starting to forget those things he does how he hugs, kisses, talks, etc....I know we all go through that but I just want to talk to him.

Thanks for all the ladies who have been there and still are. BLAH
Hope you all had better days.

You want to WHAT?

So I just got off the phone with my wonderfully TERRIBLE mother-in-law!!!!!!!!!! None of you will believe this but this is how our conversation went!!

"So im going to be down on Friday to drop off your guy's christmas gifts." i said.
"Okay, well I needed to talk to you about something..." MIL
"Sure whats up?" me
"I need to stay at your's and Matts place for 5 days at the end of Janurary" MIL
***SHOCK!!! WTF!!! WE ARE ON HLTA!!! OKAY KEEP IT COOL BE POLITE*** my brain!
"Um, well we are on HLTA then" Me
"Great so it will work out perfectly I can stay with you guys longer then!" MIL
"Well you see we might not be home and such cause we are going skiing, so i don't think it will work" ME
"Well I don't see why not, if your gone I can get your mail and such" MIL
"I really don't see....." Me
"I gotta run, talk to you on Friday about it!"


WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would have not seen my husband for 4 months and a few odd days and you want to crash at our place and spend time with us!? Especially when we had already told ALL our families that we are not talking to or seeing them during HLTA!

We as a couple as our family, need to spend quality time together. Not quality time with someone who hates me!

Read the news...BAD IDEA

So I made a big mistake after having a semi-bad day. I read the news about afghanistan. Well to put it lightly my husbands regiment wrote a whole article about how the tanks got hit by IED's alot in the past tour. And how no one got killed and only two got injured it still scares me so much. Also I read that the situation in Afghanistan is alot worse than everyone thought, and I also read that with the INCREASED level of taliban activity this winter my husbands tour should be quite eventful and not in a good way. Also I read that there is a high rate of PTSD in afghan vets.

I am crying and I miss him, and I want him to come home and be the same man that left. And I want him to call and I want this war to be over so no one has to go through this.
:*(

Christmas where are you?

So as i look out my window this Friday night I see cars passing by on the street, the thing I have noticed most about this week is the lack of snow....Now usually I don't complain as I hate cold weather, but this year I wish it would look like a winter wonderland cause that makes it seem like Christmas is just around the corner. See christmas this year marks the half way through point of my husbands deployment. Means were on a downhill slope to the end, it means I was strong enough to get on without him. Also Christmas means that our HLTA will be in a few weeks.

I just hate the holidays this year, they mean absolutely nothing to me, I am alone, I have been in Calgary with my family since thanksgiving so I don't have to be alone for the holidays. But it is hard to be so holly-jolly when all i want is it to be over with....I've already planned my drive for where to go on christmas day so I can cry my eyes out.

No one seems to understand how pointless christmas is this year to me. I guess I'll keep plastering on this fake smile and muttle through my christmas shopping and try to ignore everything. The tree goes up next week and it will be a constant reminder that he is not here with me.

At least im almost done 2 months. I just miss him.

The phone still isn't ringing....

So I got a short email from my Hubby at 2 am he said he was gonna call tonight....Silly me I got my hopes up.

I am have been trying to keep busy all night so the hours pass, and my mind keeps getting distracted, I made a list of things we NEEDED to talk about, watched TV, played monopoly, crocheted, read....and still no call.

I know he gets busy, I know things happen over there that prevent him from calling but when alot of the other wives hear ALL the time, it gets to me....now i have friends that don't hear hardly ever and I understand that it is all different depending on each guy, etc.

But why? Why? can't the silly CF realize that its really hard to have a marriage put on hold for 6 months. I went from having my best-friend around to talk to about everything ALL THE TIME...to my best-friend being 10,000 km away.
I can't call him, he never gets to call me, he's never hardly online.

Sometimes its hard to realize that there is any good coming from this deployment.

Oh and another thing that is getting to me lately is EVERYONE is expecting me to be in a holly-jolly mood because christmas is coming, well guess what christmas means nothing to me cause I don't get to spend it with the one person I love the most....Why doesn't anyone understand that???????

Just Remember.

This is directed at no one, I just wanted to let everyone know that this month we should Remember. Remember everytime: You have to work an hour late/ The canadian troops are working 24/7 You don't get to see your spouse today/ Many spouses are overseas, we won't see them for half a year or more Your five minutes late for work you have a bad day/ If the troops are five minutes late their friends might not be alive You take out your anger on that cashier who messed up/ She might not have heard from her husband in two weeks to know if he is okay. You don't buy a poppy and don't really care/ We wear a poppy because we are trying to remember our friends/husbands/bf who are no longer with us. Just remember that every-time your life feels "terrible" that there are brave men and woman fighting for your freedom in a far away land. There are all the wives and families, staying here pretending to smilie as they wonder where there spouses are, and when they will see them again. Thank you to the Canadian Forces and the Families. LEST WE FORGET - Till they all come home. RIP the Canadian Soldiers.

Tears

We lost the first soldier of the Roto today, I've cried, prayed, and keep thinking that my hubby will be keeping home. RIP Lt. Boyes

May no Soldier be forgotten, Until they all come home.

Finally heading in a good direction.

I thought I would let you know that I finally got a short email from the hubby this morning.

We have agreed that the best action plan is to use the tour money to pay off the loans, and we will still have enough money for our wedding and getting me a car. So I am feeling 100X better now that I know what we are doing and where we are headed financially.

I am glad to have finally heard from him, who knew that two sentences could make me smile so much.
Thanks to all you ladies who have dealt with difficult me during this past week.

BEST FRIEND EVER!

So i would just like to say that I got the BEST Best-friend ever.

I got a text today that basically said "I'm sad our guys are gone, but glad we can grow closer through this, and i'm really glad im your maid-of-honour. "

I SMILED and meant it today!! She is the only person besides my Hubby that can always cheer me up. And im so blessed to have a friend like her. (I also met her because of a site like this.)

I am also blessed to have all my other friends who help on BLAH days.

ONE MONTH DOWN!!!

My feelings right now are best described in these messages I sent my hubby:

I never thought it was going to be easy, I knew it was gonna be hard, and we would have to work at it everyday...but I want to do that cause I want you, you and me forever and always...no matter what comes our way we can get through it, I found a stillness and bravery in myself with you. I'll be seeing you soon, Love you Miss You

ONE MONTH Down...we're done the first and the worst. I miss you SO much and sometimes it feels like yesterday that I kissed you good-bye, other days it feels like a lifetime since I've seen your face. When life gets hard, when things change, true love remains the same. I Miss you and Love you Always and Forever

Crying and Frustrated

So today started off bad to begin with, I woke up checked my banking online to find out that our insurance payment still hasn't gone through our joint account it was suppose to come out on the 15th. Call AMA and they wouldn't tell me anything because I am not Matt, and they needed Matt to send them a fax authorizing me to have access to the account....which I was suppose to have access to. AND the freaken lady didnt understand WHY there are no fax machines in a WARZONE!

ARGH! So I figure ill get my brother to call back and be "Matt" which worked out and I got the info i needed it was coming out of our savings account, great I was in a good mood.

Then I opened the mail that got sent to his mom's house which she gave to me.....

%)^$%)&$(%&$)@#(!) WE OWE roughly $10,000 to student loans which I had NO idea about!! When I moved in with him last year M left he told me that he was almost done paying off the loans and had been making monthly payments, so I never worried about it!!

But NOPE we OWE the money apparently from what they tell me, Im frustrated as hell cause I don't know why this happened, M never lies to me and was SURE he was making monthly payments. None of it makes sense.

SO now im pissed off cause we had such good plans for the tour money, we were suppose to pay for our wedding, get me a used car, and start working on our house down-payment.

Now all the money will go towards the debt. FML I am so frustrated, I don't even know if I should pay them off in full, make minimum payments or book our HLTA trip.

So i sent him an email about the debt and asked him what he wants me to do.....

Im fine with waiting a few years to have our wedding and I am fine with taking Transit to school, but the point is I THOUGHT the tour money was going to what we wanted not debt.

Sorry for the vent its just a bad day.

Good wake-up call.

SO MY HUBBY CALLED FINALLY!!! GOTTA TALK TO HIM FOR 20 MINUTES!!!

I LOVE MY HUSBAND MY HERO....just thought i would share.

OH and he was like...I dont think i wanna do police anymore once i get out...

MY HEART DROPPED!! He wants to do another tour i thought...

NOPE he wants to be an EMS. SO HAPPY