Can't stop crying!!!!

I just wanted to let you ladies know, I finally got an email from the hubby....I am completely overwhelmed with emotions in a GOOD way. He knows just what to say to make me get that boost of strength i needed to carry on.

Thanks for all the support lately. =*) 66 days down!

FML...

Argh!!!!!! So after no contact from the hubby for two weeks I finally got an email two days ago saying he was going to try to call tomorrow *which was yesterday* after no call, and NO call this morning either....BEEP-BEEP my phone goes at lunch telling me I got a facebook message from Matt.

Bad News: phone circuits down won't be able to call for at least another two weeks.

FML I wanted sooooo badly to hear his voice now I have to go a whole month without hearing from him, or longer.

I can't wait for this deployment to be over with....a relationship is hard to keep up when you don't get to talk to the person you love and married. Whats worse is I am starting to forget those things he does how he hugs, kisses, talks, etc....I know we all go through that but I just want to talk to him.

Thanks for all the ladies who have been there and still are. BLAH
Hope you all had better days.

You want to WHAT?

So I just got off the phone with my wonderfully TERRIBLE mother-in-law!!!!!!!!!! None of you will believe this but this is how our conversation went!!

"So im going to be down on Friday to drop off your guy's christmas gifts." i said.
"Okay, well I needed to talk to you about something..." MIL
"Sure whats up?" me
"I need to stay at your's and Matts place for 5 days at the end of Janurary" MIL
***SHOCK!!! WTF!!! WE ARE ON HLTA!!! OKAY KEEP IT COOL BE POLITE*** my brain!
"Um, well we are on HLTA then" Me
"Great so it will work out perfectly I can stay with you guys longer then!" MIL
"Well you see we might not be home and such cause we are going skiing, so i don't think it will work" ME
"Well I don't see why not, if your gone I can get your mail and such" MIL
"I really don't see....." Me
"I gotta run, talk to you on Friday about it!"


WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would have not seen my husband for 4 months and a few odd days and you want to crash at our place and spend time with us!? Especially when we had already told ALL our families that we are not talking to or seeing them during HLTA!

We as a couple as our family, need to spend quality time together. Not quality time with someone who hates me!

Read the news...BAD IDEA

So I made a big mistake after having a semi-bad day. I read the news about afghanistan. Well to put it lightly my husbands regiment wrote a whole article about how the tanks got hit by IED's alot in the past tour. And how no one got killed and only two got injured it still scares me so much. Also I read that the situation in Afghanistan is alot worse than everyone thought, and I also read that with the INCREASED level of taliban activity this winter my husbands tour should be quite eventful and not in a good way. Also I read that there is a high rate of PTSD in afghan vets.

I am crying and I miss him, and I want him to come home and be the same man that left. And I want him to call and I want this war to be over so no one has to go through this.
:*(

Christmas where are you?

So as i look out my window this Friday night I see cars passing by on the street, the thing I have noticed most about this week is the lack of snow....Now usually I don't complain as I hate cold weather, but this year I wish it would look like a winter wonderland cause that makes it seem like Christmas is just around the corner. See christmas this year marks the half way through point of my husbands deployment. Means were on a downhill slope to the end, it means I was strong enough to get on without him. Also Christmas means that our HLTA will be in a few weeks.

I just hate the holidays this year, they mean absolutely nothing to me, I am alone, I have been in Calgary with my family since thanksgiving so I don't have to be alone for the holidays. But it is hard to be so holly-jolly when all i want is it to be over with....I've already planned my drive for where to go on christmas day so I can cry my eyes out.

No one seems to understand how pointless christmas is this year to me. I guess I'll keep plastering on this fake smile and muttle through my christmas shopping and try to ignore everything. The tree goes up next week and it will be a constant reminder that he is not here with me.

At least im almost done 2 months. I just miss him.

The phone still isn't ringing....

So I got a short email from my Hubby at 2 am he said he was gonna call tonight....Silly me I got my hopes up.

I am have been trying to keep busy all night so the hours pass, and my mind keeps getting distracted, I made a list of things we NEEDED to talk about, watched TV, played monopoly, crocheted, read....and still no call.

I know he gets busy, I know things happen over there that prevent him from calling but when alot of the other wives hear ALL the time, it gets to me....now i have friends that don't hear hardly ever and I understand that it is all different depending on each guy, etc.

But why? Why? can't the silly CF realize that its really hard to have a marriage put on hold for 6 months. I went from having my best-friend around to talk to about everything ALL THE TIME...to my best-friend being 10,000 km away.
I can't call him, he never gets to call me, he's never hardly online.

Sometimes its hard to realize that there is any good coming from this deployment.

Oh and another thing that is getting to me lately is EVERYONE is expecting me to be in a holly-jolly mood because christmas is coming, well guess what christmas means nothing to me cause I don't get to spend it with the one person I love the most....Why doesn't anyone understand that???????

Just Remember.

This is directed at no one, I just wanted to let everyone know that this month we should Remember. Remember everytime: You have to work an hour late/ The canadian troops are working 24/7 You don't get to see your spouse today/ Many spouses are overseas, we won't see them for half a year or more Your five minutes late for work you have a bad day/ If the troops are five minutes late their friends might not be alive You take out your anger on that cashier who messed up/ She might not have heard from her husband in two weeks to know if he is okay. You don't buy a poppy and don't really care/ We wear a poppy because we are trying to remember our friends/husbands/bf who are no longer with us. Just remember that every-time your life feels "terrible" that there are brave men and woman fighting for your freedom in a far away land. There are all the wives and families, staying here pretending to smilie as they wonder where there spouses are, and when they will see them again. Thank you to the Canadian Forces and the Families. LEST WE FORGET - Till they all come home. RIP the Canadian Soldiers.